its not stalking. its research.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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