Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's blow job season.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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