you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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