Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
