i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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