can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
