also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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