All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
