But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
