bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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