dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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