fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
