before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
