We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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