Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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