i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
