I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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