Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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