He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
