if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
