No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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