you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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