I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
