Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
