My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
