I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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