I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
