Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
