i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
