Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
