wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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