I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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