Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
