Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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