Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So squirting runs in the family.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
