you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
