that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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