So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
