So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
