found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
