Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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