omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
