woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
