i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
