When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize