you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
