you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
