Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
