I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
