If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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