i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
