: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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