My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
