my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
