there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
