speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
