Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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