my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
