Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
