I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
