let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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