I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize