i jhust puked up my retainher.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
