i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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