i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
