You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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