i don't like sucking hair
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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