So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
