I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
