Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
